we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
