I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
