I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
