he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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