There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
