Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
two words...techno handjob
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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