Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ladies don't puke and tell
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize