everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
