i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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