I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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