it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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