Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
