I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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