Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
