i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
