first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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