I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
