Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Actions speak louder than pants.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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