I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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