Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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