paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
