she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
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Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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