I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
