Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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