Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
