on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
