There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
