oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize