so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize