he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
