Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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