Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
