youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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