I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I want a musical about memes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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