he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
