like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
