I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My ATM looks so different sober.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
