I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need to calm my uterus...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
