You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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