I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
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The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
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I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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