Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
