I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
