Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
