Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
