you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
foreskin is a definite game changer
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
