Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
