Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
