I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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