Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
