just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize