apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
