shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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