i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
