I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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