handjob tips. give me some.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
