She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
