Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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