I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So much Jack, so little girl.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
