and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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