Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
