i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
