We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
